Being A Celebrity……………

According to Mr. Salman Rushdie, girls don’t want marriage; they are simply interested in wedding dress. The much acclaimed author has been four times married and divorced equally. Does this means, one has to go through hell four times over to acquire such wisdom? To have done it four times to learn this makes him the stupidest person on earth. I would like to be ignorant, and I bet 95% of you would prefer it my way. Our famous sexagenarian author could be seen with ladies half or less than half his age. He can afford to be, as he has searched the eternal, illusive truth, he can’t be fooled by beauties. In India one knows one is a celebrity when newspapers start discussing their affairs, marriages and divorces, dress and haircuts along with the celebrity dog’s pooping frequency. What do you all think? It’s easy being a celebrity? How many of you can wake up at 3 in the morning and run to gym? Would anyone ever like to eat according to the diet chart? Counting calories every time? A pound of extra flesh can bring down the market price tag and render one un-celebrated. Constant pressure of being fashion conscious, to pretend one feels great with new cut or stitch no matter how stupid it looks. The intellectual burden of developing weird theories and snarling them just to remain in limelight is maddening. I hear that the superstar of the cinema (AB) is learning statistics. At an age when he is supposed to be playing with grand children, poor old fellow is busy drawing lines, just to prove himself more popular than SRK.

Lets us assume for a few minutes that we three are celebrities: Rahul, Frozy and I. I just want to see if we can behave that way. That means following the celebrity style, we have to get up at 3AM, work hard with running mill or something like that, we would be preparing some graphs showing ourselves more popular than the other one. First thing first: I am convinced that Frozy won’t wake up at 3 or even 6. He can’t pause his dreams of Deepika Padukone for anything, physique be damned. Rahul definitely doesn’t believe in “eat less burn more philosophy” for had he, he would not have been the teddy bear he is now. As for me, I am already in shape; in fact I would be very happy if somehow I can gain 2-3 kgs.

Coming to statistics: Frozy would be preparing some strange graphs (he proclaims ‘figures’ are his favorite) explaining to you all that he is more popular on iland than I am. I can’t draw graphs, I actually don’t care so I have no other option but to flick Frozy’s graph for my page. He won’t mind ask him if he really will. No arguments here. Rahul certainly can draw them better than us, but he has more serious issues to look after.

Then to the celebrity philosophies: Incidentally Frozy and I have somewhat similar philosophies. We are proud that no one can be weirder than us. Rahul has much deeper a philosophy with which I very rarely catch up. So I won’t meddle with him. No conflicts there.

Last one is a matter of common sense. Who among us, would wait till he/she becomes 60 or 70 to pose with people half her/his age? Frozy won’t wait that long. (And I am sure he won’t mind posing at 70 either) Rahul won’t, he himself had admitted that girls have been his worst competitors; he won’t pose with his enemies. Me.. not interested in photography, just could not behave nice even for a 30sec, shot. Niceties, sweetness are not my virtues at all; it’s very difficult  to pretend what you are not. That settles it.  Following the celebrity suit, I need to change my boyfriend every four months (if I had any) and must have a tattoo to proclaim my love. That means three tattoos per year; by that rate I would be a walking poster or signboard by the end of 2 years! Or have to learn to shed my skin every quarter.

Here are some more nice persons: Aameen, P K but they are far too creative, intelligent and decent to be drawn in to such meaningless matters of the mundane mind.

Did you notice that all this “being a celebrity” business is a frustrating, tiring one? I am no celebrity material neither is Frozy (though he will never admit it) and Rahul? Since we two are no celebrities, how can we accept him as one!!!!!!!!! (No, you can’t vote in this thing. Our decision is full and final).

P.S.: A note of thanks to Rahul and Frozy. Very few people are there who would allow you to pull their leg and that too happily. This is what I call generosity. Frozy deserves double thanks for spicing up the blog.

Their worlds: rahulwrites.rediffiland.com

                      frozensun.rediffiland.com